Tag Archives: knives

SKULL583

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BLASPHMACHINE, Hell (2012, demo)

The skull:
Sometimes I’m absolutely sure I’ve seen a skull before, and this time I was so convinced I had that I went back through the archives to find its dopelganger, to no avail. This bears some passing resemblance to covers by Conqueror and Revenge (and one of the members of Blasphmachine is pictured on Metal Archives in a Revenge shirt, so the similarity is probably not coincidental) but it’s not exactly like anything we’ve seen to date. So, I guess, kudos to Blasphmachine for making the most derivative-seeming but apparently original Big Dumb Skull yet. This is a dubious honor to stake, but bands like this will take their acclaim where they can get it.

The music:
I’m struggling to remember if I’ve ever enjoyed a rehearsal room demo. Nothing comes to mind, and Blasphmachine’s lone demo Hell isn’t changing that. As grindy death metal goes, I’d say they’re not the worst, but when your tunes are a blur of white noise by design, every last bit of fidelity you can achieve in the studio is helpful for turning your blasting nonsense into something resembling music. For some reason, bands that sound like this are always referred to as “black/death metal” but I don’t hear any black metal at all in their sound. Maybe they like Satan, though. Who knows, or cares? Now, Blasphmachine are from Malaysia, and maybe it’s incredibly hard to record a heavy metal demo there, and so maybe they’re to be commended for grinding this out (so to speak), but that doesn’t really help Hell go down any smoother. I’ll give them some points for including some kind of intro on “Bless the Fall,” though; it sounds like they just played some horror movie on the TV in their rehearsal space and recorded it through the air to their boombox. That’s commitment to the bit. But, ironic chuckles notwithstanding, there just isn’t much to recommend this.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL532

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E.S.T., Live in the Outskirts of Moscow (1993, Mausoluem)

The skull:
Da, comrade, we are having knife. Yes, and gun. You need gun? Take gun, take! Is lightning you need? Also we are having lightning, and star too, yes. Is warm hat you need? Take hat, is bearing leaf of marijuana plant, is very cool. We are having everything you need comrade, and hard rocking, also. E.S.T. has eye out for you! Ha, comrade! You like joke? We are having good humor, for spirit of worker is in us. E.S.T. have many things, have all things, provided by party, for glory of Russia. Go, comrade, and fight, and rock for Russia!

The music:
I’d never heard of E.S.T. (which stands for Electro Shock Therapy) before, but that’s no great surprise, as my awareness of Russian metal is pretty scant. Then again, if I had ever encountered this band before, I would have quickly beat feet in the other direction, as they sound like the non-union Russian equivalent of Razor’s Edge-era AC/DC, with a bit of late The Cult thrown in for good measure (and okay, a little of the more rockin’ Aria sounds of the late 80s, which is really the best thing about E.S.T.) The first half of this compilation is their performance at the 1991 Monsters of Rock festival in Russia (supposedly, although rumors of live-in-the-studio abound), so clearly they were a band of some stature in their homeland, and their music is well played and well put together (even if the vocals are rather shitty, in a Chris Boltendahl way), so I guess if you like that kind of not-quite metal and you don’t mind (mostly) Russian lyrics, then you’d probably love this like I love Aspid and Valkyria, but if you already think one AC/DC was one too many, then you’ll find them twice as bad as their dull inspirations.
— Friar Johnsen

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WARPATH, Malevolent Reprisal  (2010, Underground Movement)

The skull:
A scowling skull decked out for war, backed up by quite the arsenal: all manner of gun, knife, blade and, uh, bear trap. It looks incredibly imposing, but maybe what we’re really dealing with is comparable to those guys that drive huge monster trucks because they have a small penis. That’s the psychological theory, anyway, and I’ll bet something like that is going on with this guy.

The music:
Here’s another metal moratorium worth proposing: no more using the Gladiator sample “at my signal, unleash hell.” It’s been done probably a hundred times. I know it must have seemed like a great a idea the first time (it was), but by now, using this sample is totally beat. Now, to the music: Warpath play Brutal Blasting Irish Death Metal exclusively! It’s like Dying Fetus meets Malevolent Creation meets Bolt Thrower stripped of any distinguishing personality. Technically they’re proficient, and they’re extremely heavy, but as well-performed as it is, Warpath cannot save themselves from slotting in shoulder-to-shoulder with the many vanilla-flavored brutal death hordes out there. You have to admire the conviction and ability, but that’s about all you have to do before forgetting this ever happened and moving onto something actually worth spending time with. Definitely gonna dock a point or two for their decision to cover Hatebreed. Ugh.
— Friar Wagner

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WARCALL, Demonarchy  (2009, Panoptic)

The skull:
Swamped in a surfeit of yellow/brown, we’re already off to a bad start. Why are dirty yellows and browns such a popular choice amongst amateur metal album cover artists everywhere? A lotta people looking for jobs at Nuclear Blast, apparently. So, what’s going on here? Apparently this is Warcall’s vision of a “demonarchy,” but with all due respect to the power of the skull, you really gotta do something more than plop a skull down into the scene to spark a “demonarchy.” I think so anyway…I’ll know for sure once I nail down exactly what a demonarchy is. A planet ruled by one omnipotent demon, or a demon that endorses anarchy? We see United Nations-like symbology being taken over by this skull, who is apparently the demon, and he sits atop what look like unwieldy and incredibly thick-handled knives, or shovels. I’m gonna call them garden shovels. Goddamn it, I’m confused. I give up. Warcall & Skulldemon, 1, Friar Wagner, 0

The music:
Great. More melodic death metal that digs back about as far as In Flames’ Whoracle for inspiration. At least, it seems this is as deep as the well of inspiration runs for this Canadian band, judging by the 10 songs (and one intro) here. Warcall are Canadians who really really want to sound Swedish. They do a pretty good job of achieving their aim too, as it’s well-played and well-recorded, every ingredient in its right place and exemplifying the style perfectly. But (and holy shit, stop me yet again if I sound like a broken record) it’s absolutely derivative and generic beyond imagining. Nothing sticks, nothing interesting, nothing memorable. Remember the “About” section of this blog, how I note that Big Dumb Skulls’ mission is, in part, to investigate the correlation between the totally unoriginal idea of having a skull on your album cover and the music inside? Here you have it. Investigation complete. Warcall have made any additional investigations pointless. We now know for sure. Thanks guys.
— Friar Wagner

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DAWN OF DEMISE, Hate Takes Its Form  (2007, Deepsend)

The skull:
Skull with industrial haute couture mohawk: a mane of hooks, knives and various rusty
implements that look like parts of an old farm tractor, all arranged elaborately atop the bony noggin. The skull is mounted on a kind of large industrial drill bit looking thing. This is a pretty fancy skull as metal skull go, even if adorned with all this dangerous-looking machinery. The way the skull’s head is tilted, it looks as if he’s having real trouble carrying all the weight that sits on top of his cranium.

The music:
Even amongst the zillions of brutal death metal bands and albums that come and go, this
Danish band received an unusual amount of hype and praise when this album was released. That might have had something to do with the presence of ex-Infernal Torment vocalist Scott Jensen, his prior band infamous for their ridiculously depraved lyrics that made Cannibal Corpse stanzas read like a Bon Jovi hit. Basically, Dawn Of Demise has lineage that goes back to influential bands and albums in that whole gore/porn/ultra-“broodal” universe. Thus, Hate Takes It Form is mono-maniacal one-dimensional modern brutal death metal with pig grunt “bree bree shredded wheeeeat!!!” vox. Which means, as well-played and professionally-delivered as this album is, I couldn’t care less.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL208

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STATIC-X, Cannibal  (2006, Reprise)

The skull:
No crossbones for this skull — he just takes those bones and eats them. Like a cannibal! All that cutlery wreathed around his noggin are the tools of the trade he uses to get leg bone into mouth. Whatever works! Those choppers are in top-notch shape, too…they oughta be if they’re gonna be munchin’ bone. Kick ass cover (if you’re 14 years old), although it’s uglied up by that utterly stupid Parental Advisory warning.

The music:
Whether it’s super obscure Italian no-hopes or major label L.A. bands, very often a skull
album cover means “We love Pantera and Roots-era Sepultura.” Goes for Static-X too,
although there’s an added faux-industrial edge due to the use of electronics, samples,
and synth-generated beats. Whatever, it really sucks. I sat through this whole album hoping something interesting would happen. Nearly eight minutes into the album, a weird moment in “Behemoth” dips into the Buckethead-meets-Vai school of guitar work, but it’s brief, and these kinds of moments are rare throughout Cannibal. Any highlights seem to come in the area of the lead guitar work, as another of these rare bright moments comes in “Electric Pulse.” It’s very good actually, but, you know, “any port in a storm,” right? Quite often, Cannibal sounds like a melodic, nuanced Slipknot…a Slipknot-lite, maybe. I’m no metal purist that takes issue with any semi-metal band on a major label (see my Deftones review two skulls prior to this), but this is just dumb jockstrap metal. How does a band so vapid get so huge?
— Friar Wagner

 

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MÄAX, Six Pack Witchcraft (2010, Abyss)

The skull:
A skull, an ace, a pair of wings, two knives, and an umlaut: it sure looks like Mäax is trying to muscle in on Motörhead’s territory. Substitute Snaggletooth for Mäax’s more generic skull and you’d have a perfect cover for a mid 90s Motörhead album. The other two Mäax discs have entirely different covers that also incorporate 100% of these design elements, so I guess they’re part of this band’s “thing.”

The music:
Mäax are a bunch of thick guys in leather vests making extra-filthy, Venomized, Motörhead-style “rock and roll”. It’s shitty metal to anyone with ears, but bands like this always fetishize the inspiration they draw from Elvis or Buddy Holly or Little Richard or whomever. The vocals are so bad that even the grunting has to be run through effects to give them any character, and the playing is far too loose for its own good. But, the main offense of music like this is its blandness. It styles itself as hard and rebellious, but it comes off as just another bunch of too-old barroom braggarts trying to pass as 70s tough. Nein!
— Friar Johnsen

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GOATWHORE, Carving Out the Eyes of God (2009, Metal Blade)

The skull:
A bleak black and white skull with some occult symbol scrawled in the forehead, probably from the corny Simon Necronomicon published in the early 80s (see also: Morbid Angel). The skull is flanked by two scythes, which I can’t imagine are the ideal tools for eye-carving, but underneath the skull are two of those ridiculous “combat knives” you’re likely to find at that cutlery store in the mall that also sells Klingon weaponry. I guess you could those to carve out the eyes of God, even if a straight blade is almost certainly a better choice. The skull obviously has no eyes, so maybe it’s supposed to be God’s skull, but if it is, eye carving is probably the least of this skully God’s problems. He’s got no skin, and Cthulhu is on his case!

The music:
I’ve never been able to get into Goatwhore, but since most of my time not enjoying them is spent actually seeing them live (they open for a lot of bands I like), I usually forget that their albums are really not so bad. They’re just not my thing. Goatwhore are basically a stew of Slayer, Deicide, and Celtic Frost: mid-to-fast paced thrashy death metal with a swaggering groove. Their earlier albums feature a pretty strong black metal influence, but that’s less evident on this, their third full length. But from album to album, and then song to song, there’s very little variation and almost no genuine creativity, and the entire enterprise feels too calculatedly engineered to interest angry adolescents in nail-studded bracers. Slayer’s been working that beat for years, and even they can’t turn that mission into good music, so what chance does a band from New Orleans have?
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL76

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VIKING SKULL, Chapter One  (2003, Grand Union)

The skull:
Generic stoner rock background hosts a skull that could be that of a Viking, but also could not. Who the hell knows? All skulls are created equal…but not all skull album covers are. This one is on the gaudy side of the tracks. Those wings on either side of the head remind me of the Red Wing shoe company logo and look hopelessly out of place floating there like that. What appear to be crossed knives at the bottom I first saw as joints. Which they might as well be, considering the rest of this cover, and the music. And if they are knives, they don’t look all that deadly. Then there’s the skull itself, which is just kind of there, wearing a leering sarcastic smile as if to say “…and I have to float here under THIS ‘logo’? Kill me now…again.” We hail Viking Skull’s commitment to skull covers, but this is the only one we’ll allow into the Skullection.

The music:
Big, bruisin’, burly traditional heavy metal. Maybe. Who knows if it’s 100 genuine, their roots are in a band called Raging Speedhorn, who I remember being really boring noise rock/metal stuff. This first release from Viking Skull, and all others since, seem to be aiming for the hearts of all those folks who like fourth-rate rehashed traditional heavy metal, when we all know that most of the best stuff came out in the ’80s. Besides, this is just crap stoner rock masquerading as heavy metal. “Beers, Drugs and Bitches” and “Crazy Trucker”…junky stuff that I never ever want to hear again. I’d rather listen to White Wizzard…any day.
— Friar Wagner