NILS COURBARON’S PROJECT, Madness Leads to Death (2012, self-released)

The skull:
This is just too easy. It’s self-explanatory, really. You put an elaborate jester’s cap like this on a skull and our work is pretty much done for us. I mean, if you look closely, the thing even has a chinstrap to keep it from slipping off the skull. How awesome is that? I had no idea jester caps had chin straps! And, as if the headgear wasn’t adornment enough, this dude’s got a bunch of tattoos (probably Henna) and a damn Ninja throwing star glued to his forehead. Do we have to explain with any level of detail why this is fucking hilariously stupid and stupidly hilarious? Didn’t think so.

The music:
Just in case you were wondering, this is Nils Courbaron’s project. It’s described on Metal Archives as “Symphonic Technical Death Metal,” but somebody is clearly smoking crack, because how can something be death metal if it’s instrumental? I have never had to ponder that one in all my years of trudging through the metal trenches. I suppose if this sounded like a karaoke-ready version of Dismember’s Pieces EP, the answer would be clear enough, but this EP sounds more like a karaoke-ready version of Sonata Arctica-meets-Yngwie Malmsteen. (“Bag er Maru” sounds like freakin’ Don Cortes Maya – who is, no joke, really awesome.) Symphonic, yes. Technical? Technically, yes. Death metal? Errr….yeah, right. It’s okay, but that’s really just a nice way of saying Nils plays extremely well but the songs are boring as fuck.

***As an exclusive bonus for you loyal Big Dumb Skulls readers, here’s a transcription from Nils Courbaron’s recent appearance at Wacken Open Air. If this doesn’t make your hair stand on end with electrifying excitement, you’re already dead:

Nils to the thousands:
“Whose project is this?”

The throngs:
“Nils Courbarons!”

Nils:
“C’mon, you can do better ‘n that. I sayyy-ed…WHOSE PROJECT IS THIS?!?!?!”

The throngs:
“Nils Courbarons!!!!!!”

Nils:
“Pretty good, but not quite…give it to me one more time, this time with a possessive apostrophe! I SAID: WHOSE PROJECT IS THIS?????????????!!!!!!!!!????????????”

The throngs:
“NILS COURBARON’S!!!!!!”

Nils:
“You finally got that riiiiiight!!! This one’s called ‘Dying for Glorrrryyyyyy’!!!!!”

[the throngs go apeshit and the Project – Nils Courbaron’s Project – plays on through the night…]

— Friar Wagner