Tag Archives: hair

SKULL498

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DARK DEVOTION, Rehearsal 2009 (2009, demo)

The skull:
Wary be, ye hirsute skulls whose mangy locks dangle from thy rotting domes, lest thy foetid tresses become entangled admidst the stalagmites upthrust from the deep recesses in which ye dwell, and ye be pulled down and indeed impaled thereon. Thy graven stars, powerful though they ordinarily be, shall afford thee no protection from such odious entrapment, and long may ye tarry against thy wills in these lowly places. Thy dark devotion in such times shall verily be tested sore.

The music:
Only ten copies of this rehearsal demo were released, and naturally, I am one of the damned souls who owns one. After hearing the merest rumors of their 2008 opus #08, I decamped to Ciudad Victoria in Mexico, where I made nightly rounds of the town’s cemetaries. One fateful evening, I caught a glimpse of a ghoulishly painted man making blasphemous entreaties among the fog-wreathed sepulchers, and I followed him thereafter to discover his lair. I patiently surveilled the location until such a time as he welcomed several other corpselike persons into his company, and then from the bowels of that foreboding place, I heard the sinister strains of the most unholy black metal. I laid a freshly severed goat head before their threshold and hid myself, knowing they would find my offering. This ritual I repeated for 13 nights, and on the following evening, which was indeed marked by a full moon, the band did not gather at their black conventicle (having no doubt more sinister affairs to attend to elsewhere), but on the spot where nightly I left my grim sacrifice, a starkly illustrated CDR was left. I ran with this gift back to my meager lodgings and immediately inserted it into the player, whereby I was assaulted by the shittiest, most cliche black metal imaginable, and I realized how truly I had wasted my time for the better part of two months.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL464

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NIHILIST, Call Down the Thunder  (2006, self-released)

The skull:
A skull out of time. While this looks every shade of 1984, it’s actually an eyesore released in the modern age. Wonders never cease. And it’s another in the skull family of logo-eaters, something we’ve seen and been amused by a couple times already. The eyepatch and the hair are hilariously self-explanatory. (Especially the hair…he’s got the mane of a lion.) This skull’s here to rock! And to apparently call down the thunder. We see the lightning, so the thunder can’t be far behind. I’m going to guess this sounds exactly like Wild Dogs.

The music:
Are there really several young kids who love metal, meet up and form a band together who haven’t ever heard of the Swedish death metal band that has the rightful claim to the Nihlist name? Even if that name hasn’t been in use since the band changed their name to Entombed in 1989, you’d think anyone respectful of the genre’s history would leave the name alone. Or maybe they just don’t care? Anyway, what’s in a name? This Nihilist are from California and they play goofy, hard-rocking metal with a speedy element that isn’t quite thrash but gets close. Lots of dopey vocal phrasing that apes equally dopey riffs. This is their downfall, because otherwise its solid, serviceable metal, even if it’s nothing you’d cross the street to obtain. Occasionally you’ll hear a passage the reaches metal glory, as in “The Assault.” You have to respect their energy, and their tenacity (lots of self-releases over ten years’ time), but they’re generally useless unless you’ve just been introduced to heavy metal, and then I suppose they’d sound fairly fresh. They do a decent but pointless cover of Judas Priest’s “Freewhell Burning,” which provides a perfect example of what their originals attempt to achieve. Judging from the sound of the band plus the cover artwork, I’ll give them another few points for their total lack of irony; Nihilist (CA) seems to be a completely earnest, from-the-heart sort of endeavor. They probably don’t even have beards. Good on ’em for all that.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL389

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ILSA, The Maggots are Hungry (2009, Odium Generis Humani)

The skull:
This amazing skull combines three of my favorite things: flowing tresses, berets, and potato masher grenades. The single, glaring eye is just icing on the cake. For some reason, this skull immediately made me think of Chainsaw Caine, the idiot frontman of the godawful Slave Raider, but Caine wore his eyepatch over his right eye, so this clearly couldn’t be him. Also, Caine wishes he had hair this lovely. Really, I don’t know how or why I made the connection, but it came to me instantly and powerfully, and in this line of work, one comes to trust those instincts. Call them the providence of The Skull.

The music:
I’m not a huge fan of crust (I like Amebix and Hellbastard and not much else) but Ilsa are pretty good as crust goes. While a lot of crust leans punk, this is definitely metal, and in their slower moments Ilsa could even make for a convincing doom metal band. The raspy, grindy vocals suck pretty bad, and it’s not like any of these riffs are gonna knock your socks off, but The Maggots are Hungry is slathered in grimy atmosphere and a palpable indignation, which is really the most you can ask of crust. The production is analog and murky, but it’s not anarcho-squatter lo-fi, as a lot of this sort of thing tends to be, and clocking in at under a half-hour, this at least doesn’t leave you wanting less.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL341

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SHACKLES, Orgy of Corpses (2005, Beer In Your Ear)

The skull:
A skull with a toupée! Brilliant! Although his flesh is long since decayed, this guy’s polyester rug remains, and he’s become a hopping vermicular hangout. The only orgy happening here strictly involves hot worm-on-worm action, and look at those little nas-tay nematodes go! So many Big Dumb Skulls dwell to excess on the maudlin, but here’s a celebration of life and good times, if only for the wrigglier of God’s creations. Good on Shackles for believing the skull’s half-full.

The music:
With a cover and logo like this, you can be pretty sure that Shackles are gonna play throwback death/thrash, and sure enough, that’s what they do. You know all the usual influences, we’ve listed them here for dozens of other skulls, but since Shackles is Australian, we can throw in Armoured Angel, Slaughter Lord, and Destroyer 666. This is just a shitty rehearsal demo, so if you want to check out Shackles, you’re going to want to look to either their studio demo or debut album. Neither is what I would call “polished” but they’re listenably produced and the latter even includes a few unexpected flourishes, like the church organ in “Orgy of Corpses.” For black and white retro death, I prefer Bones from the US, but Shackles are perfectly fine for when you’re feeling ’86. Were perfectly fine, I should say. They released that one album in 2009 and then broke up. You can’t keep a good band down, I guess.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL300

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RIGOR MORTIS, Rigor Mortis (1988, Capitol)

The skull:
The smashed out eyes make this a particularly distinctive skull, and that feature is also, amazingly, unique in the Skullection. Here at Skull HQ, we’ve seen skulls that have suffered all kinds of abuse, but this is the first and only example of occular disembonement. But while that negative space is what draws the eye (so to speak), it’s the maniacal grin that really seals the deal. This skull (who doesn’t seem to have a name, although I spent a fair amount of time looking) just doesn’t give a fuck that he’s got no distinct eye sockets, and he’s even proud to hover there with the mace that did it. The axe and bone are bonus accoutrements that nevertheless can’t compete with this skull’s luxurious mane. “I’m so fucking bad, they put me in the logo, too. Twice.” While a nice, real skull, staged and photographed, might have made a better 300th skull, those are shockingly hard to come by, and as illustrated BDSes go, this Rigor Mortis cover is about as awesome as they come.

The music:
A shocking number of thrash bands managed to land major label deals between 87 and 90, but few were as mediocre as Rigor Mortis. Meliah Rage comes close, maybe, and even they had a couple truly excellent songs. Rigor Mortis were weirdly lightweight, lacking the depth and punch of a Testament, while being sillier even than Exodus at their goofiest. Their riffing and songwriting, as with most Texas thrash bands, were thoroughly pedestrian for the times, and the anemic production didn’t do them any favors. Finally, they were saddled with a vocalist who lacked any unique character and whose lyrics were stupid (and not funny, which is the one possible salvation of stupid lyrics). They were far from the worst thrash band on the scene in 1987, but there were probably scores of bands more deserving of the opportunity afforded Rigor Mortis (who of course completely squandered it and were dropped in a couple years). Nevertheless, they’re a band that’s developed something of a cult reputation, perhaps due to the rarity of the album on compact disc. Their subsequent EP and full length can be had fairly readily, but the debut on Capitol commands a rather stupid price. You could spend $100 for this middling effort, or you could save yourself at least twenty bucks and pick up the infinitely superior Wargasm debut, which is similar to Rigor Mortis in many ways but always much, much better.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL274

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VALOTON, Beastificate  (2010, Hammer Of Hate)

The skull:
With an, uh, octagram behind him, this skull looks kingly/goofy in all that accoutrement:
majestic and humongous ram horns, stuff that looks like black broom hairs growing off his
chin, and a vague spongy mass atop his head that’s either a hairnet or brains. He’s really
beastificating here, that’s for sure. There are enough metal skull covers featuring ram
horns fused to a human skull that the Council have considered opening up an entirely
separate branch of Big Dumb Skulls to handle all of them. This one would rank right at the
top.

The music:
I looked at the cover, the genre, the label, and looked at Finland as the country
of origin and figured it all pointed to Horna worship, ie. black metal in its strictest,
most violent, and purest form. But no — Valoton operate in an area that’s much more
technical, melodic and well-recorded, reminding of that early ’90s Swedish melodic death
metal sound mixed with the kind of modernized approach Gorgoroth took on the Incipit Satan album, but less varied and totally Nuclear Blast-y, if you get what I mean. Far more refined than their Finnish black metal peers, don’t be surprised if someday you see Valoton rubbing shoulders at the summer festivals next to bands like Hypocrisy and Behemoth. As for individual highlights throughout the album, there aren’t any — Valoton are good at what they do, but practically every song sounds the same. This interchangability is accepted these days by a lot of people, so hey, good luck to ’em. I’m at least glad I didn’t have to sit here and listen to the umpteenth Horna wanna-be.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL196

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PHYNE THANQUZ, Into the Sun / Curse of the Gods 7″  (1982, ERC)

The skull:
Lookit this crazy man, still trying to hold onto his youth by keeping his shaggy black locks even though he’s pretty much dead. Silly hippie. He holds a crucifix and glares evilly into your eyes. A grim visage! An unholy scion of death! A piece of artwork tailor-made for some ridiculously obscure NWOBHM 7″! Another look and it’s more like some kinda Halloween Pez dispenser.

The music:
Next to Squashed Pyrannah, Phyne Thanquz is my favorite NWOBHM band name. And, like the Pyrannah, they are barely metal. Fine Thanks (in human vernacular) are, rather, among the many bands who dragged their ’70s influences/origins into the 1980s and went with heavy metal looking artwork. Their sound is like Max Webster meets early Blue Oyster Cult in a dingy Birmingham pub, with Jon Lord sitting in on organ. It’s a bit dodgy, overall, but you have to admire the energy and spirit found on these two tracks, and  there’s just enough of a whiff of bands like Vardis (the momentum), Satan (the vocals) and Legend (the ’70s aesthetic) that they might as well be rightfully lumped into the NWOBHM movement.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL175

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BIGRIG, 10-4 Good Buddy (2009, demo)

The skull:
This one pretty much speaks for itself, no? What could I possibly add that would make this funnier? Nothing!

The music:
BigRig is a side project from Admiral Nobeard and Commodore RedRum of the second best pirate metal band of all time, Swashbuckle. As you might expect, BigRig play trucker metal, even if no one else does. The sound is basically goofy deathrock, like midperiod Entombed but better and funny on purpose. They’re a joke band, yeah, but BigRig (like Swashbuckle) are damned good at what they do, and they play this ridiculous shit like they mean it. The unexpected melody in “The Long Haul” almost approaches earnestness, even. I’m sure these guys know it’s a galactic waste of time to put any effort into a throw-away novelty band like BigRig, but they just can’t help doing it right. You have to respect that.
— Friar Johnsen