Author Archives: Friar Johnsen

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OBSZÖN GESCHÖPF, Day of Suffering (2000, demo)

The skull:
There are plenty of logo-chomping skulls out there, and this one at first glance appears no different from any other, but look close and you’ll notice that the bottom jaw is scaled completely differently from the rest of the skull. It’s got mismatched dentition, too. I have to assume that either the top or the bottom was different at one point, probably the top, but after the artist scaled it back from whatever idiotic monster he originally drew, he forgot to similarly update the bottom half, leaving us with the chimeric skull we see here. That’s exactly the kind of inattention to detail that can elevate a Big Dumb Skull from the ordinary to the sublime, and while I won’t say that this cover has been so elevated, I must nevertheless applaud its dauntless stupidity.

The music:
This is simplistic and fairly boring electronic industrial music on to which boxy, heavy guitars have been grafted. The guitar parts can hardly be called riffs, as they are mostly single-chord chugs to go along with the bloopy keyboards and do little aesthetic work beyond signifying that Obszön Geschöpf are metal in some way. There are some guitar solos as well, but these are hilariously bad. They’re played poorly per se, but they are comically out of place amid the bargain basement techno thumps and square wave burps. Obszön Geschöpf are basically a one-man band, but hillariously it’s a French guy trying to toughen up his image with a German band name (and he even got that wrong, failing to properly decline the adjective; the name translates to “Obscene Creature.”) I’ve written about industrial metal before, and I’ve gone on record saying that it’s fairly hard to do the style well, but this demo is never in any danger of crossing the fine line between stupid and clever.
— Friar Johnsen

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PITIFUL REIGN, Toxic Choke (2006, self-released)

The skull:
Drawing your album cover with a pencil: that’s oldschool. Adorning it with a grinning, deformed, and dripping mascot skull: that’s going all the way. But if the skull isn’t named Pete Evil (get it?), I’d say that at a minimum, an opportunity was missed. In any case, I appreciate the DIY charm on display here, and the ridiculous skull is exactly the right kind of ridiculous.

The music:
I feel like every time I have to review British thrash, old or new, I end up insulting it by comparing it to Cerebral Fix, so I won’t do that this time. And anyway, Pitiful Reign don’t really sound like them, but they do sound very British, in the worst way, even if the bass tone is 100% Souls at Black, all rubbery and bad. Musically, this would probably fall in the middle of the rethrash quality spectrum, but the production is so bad that it’s hard to appreciate at face value. The vocals, clearly recorded without a pop screen, are clipped so badly that I wonder if the mic used was the one built into the singer’s laptop or phone. The entire mix is punishingly loud and in very short order listening to Pitiful Reign becomes quite taxing on the ears. Coming out as it did in 2006, this album was at least a little bit ahead of the rethrash trend, but it’ sadly no better than anything that’s come out since.
— Friar Johnsen

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OVERKILL, The Years of Decay (1989, Atlantic)

The skull:
Although Overkill has a number of Big Dumb Skull covers (all of them depicting their mascot, Charlie), this one is obviously the finest for a number of reasons. First, the skull is bigger than any of the others (excepting, maybe, Bloodletting, which wouldn’t really qualify as a proper BDS anyway). Second, the wings are de-emphasized (here they’re depicted as windows, but if you didn’t know to expect a bat-winged skull on every Overkill album, you probably wouldn’t even make the connection). Third, the Council and we Friars have a soft spot for architectural skulls. And finally, this cover just fucking rules, and if you can’t see that, you’re some kind of idiot.

The music:
While I have met perfectly reasonable metalheads with otherwise defensible tastes who don’t care for this album, I secretly believe all those people are mentally deficient and possibly criminal. The Years of Decay, for me, is a foundational thrash album, a unique and almost perfect gem, a desert island disc. I love basically everything about this record: the production (dark and dry), the guitar tone (the ultimate expression of the ADA MP-1), the playing (Sid Falck’s drumming is a highlight, and Bobby Gustafson’s solos are absolutely unhinged), and of course the songs and lyrics. The riffing is insanely great (just the intro to “Elimination” is worth a million bucks) and Bobby Blitz’s lyrics are peerlessly pissed off, while still featuring some of the cleverest, funniest turns of phrase ever delivered. I can’t think of any lyrics in the entire corpus of heavy metal that are so believably angry, and Blitz’s career-peak delivery, manic and melodic, perfectly captures that feeling we all have sometimes, asking, “How can the world fucking be this way?” From the explosive buildup of “Time to Kill” to the shreiking blackout that ends the album (with the song “E.vil N.ever D.ies,” the conclusion to the four song “Overkill” song cycle started on the band’s debut), there’s almost nothing to complain about here. Almost. The plodding dirge of “Skullkrusher” goes on way too long (although the frantic middle section largely makes up for this), and the title track is perhaps a bit too mopey for its own good, but while these songs have their individual shortcomings, they nevertheless work perfectly in the context of the full album. This is a thrash album that sounds like nothing that came before and nothing that’s come since, a classic for the ages, and anyone who disagrees with me can go fuck themselves until they come to their senses!
— Friar Johnsen

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GAMMADION, The Fuse is Lit (2005, Strong Survive)

The skull:
Remember all those cool Dave McKean photocollage covers from the 90s, with random neat shit in antique boxes? You know, like the Disincarnate album or the first My Dying Bride full length? Well, this is kind of like that, but with just a single box, and crappy. And also not a collage. The best part is obviously the blocky skull pillow, though. I never thought about the needs of sleepy skulls before, but this cover has really brought the issue to my attention. It’s no wonder so many of the skulls we see look so cranky. Evidently they have to rest their heads on stepstools. I’d be a mess, too, if that was how I had to sleep.

The music:
Nazi true metal from Poland. Musically, it’s not terrible, kind of in the same vein as Atlantean Kodex, minus the doomy parts. Occasionally they drop into a blast beat, but it always feels out of place, as if they know that they’re putting on airs. The Polish-language speak-singing is pretty bad, though, and of course the lyrics are presumably about white supremacy and the master race and whatnot. “Gammadion” is the Greek work for “swastika,” so you know they’ve gone all-in on the NS bullshit. If the lyrics were about something a little less ridiculous, like unicorns or muscle cars, I would be tempted to say that maybe Gammadion are on to something, but I’m not about to endorse the work of racist thugs.
— Friar Johnsen

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PENTAGRAM (CHILE), Demo #2 (1987, demo)

The skull:
A grisly subject, this skull is cracked and bloodied no doubt from being run through a photocopier a couple dozen times, the hard way. He’s managed to keep his shit together, but only barely, and you can see in his gritted smile that he can’t put up with too much more of this. A skull has his limits!

The music:
Pentagram are minor legends based on, really, just a couple of demos from the mid 80s. They played thrash bordering on death metal that you could place somewhere between Kreator and Possessed, and while they never do anything especially original, they were certainly among the first bands in Chile to be playing this sort of thing, and it can’t be denied that they do it well. On this second demo, they even somehow approximate the fabled Sunlight Studios guitar tone a year before Nihilist’s first demo, and I wouldn’t be surprised if those Swedish lads took direct inspiration from their South American contemporaries. You can’t come to Pentagram looking for sophistication or technicality, but if you have a fondness for this sort of raw proto-death metal, then you should certainly check them out. Both demos from 1987 were released on CD a few years ago, although I believe that compilation is itself out of print and hard to come by, but the band is back together with a new album, and I imagine it’s just a matter of time before their classic material is available again.
— Friar Johnsen

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MINECREEP, The London Sessions (2008, demo)

The skull:
I think the logo and the skull were some kind of papercraft art project. Like, the bassist sat hunched over a table with a piece of construction paper and a pair of safety scissors for the entire weekend while the other guys got high and made fun of him, but when he opened that folded piece of paper and revealed a logo and a skull cut neatly out of the middle, they changed their tune right quick. Of course, it would have been better if he hadn’t used light blue paper, so in the end they had to scan it for their demo. And since they were already in the computer, they pasted the silhouette over some orangey-brown background, because deep in their hearts they understood that skulls like earthtones best.

The music:
You wouldn’t think groove metal, Therapy?, and mid-90s Megadeth would work together, and you’d be right, but listening to Minecreep, you might occasionally think that maybe there could be a chance you were wrong. This is a clunky demo with bad singing and an unenviable set of influences, but Minecreep almost make it work, sometimes, because although it’s pretty easy to hear where a lot of these ideas came from, they’re sufficiently warped to end up sounding at least somewhat new. Then again, there are moments of pure groove metal hell, and on top of it all, the miserable yelping vocals, so it’s not like this ever really rises above, but when they band locks in on a cool riff, it suggests at least some possibility. But they’ve had 5 years to make something of that, and so far, this remains the sole offering of Minecreep, so I’m not gonna hold my breath
— Friar Johnsen

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OF THE GODS, And So It Begins (2010, self-released)

The skull:
I can pretty much guarantee that whatever detail we’re not seeing in this Mesoamerican carving is more evil and more metal than the dimestore skull that’s been plopped on top. Even if it’s just a portrait of some ancient king, there’s a 90% chance he’s depicted wearing a mask of human skin, or at least a jaguar pelt. The Aztecs were incredible, unbelievable badasses, and when they wanted a decorative skull, they fucking murdered somebody and drank his blood first. Of the Gods found some royalty-free photos on the internet, made only the barest attempts at color-matching in Photoshop, and called it a day. The titular “It” is clearly a short and undistinguished career. And as always (though it usually falls on Friar Wagner to mention it), the self-applied Parental Advisory warning is a baffling addition. Were Of the Gods so sure of their success that they imagined their DIY disc would end up on the shelves at Best Buy? They are from Las Vegas, a city of big dreamers, so maybe they were.

The music:
This is like a cross between barroom groove metal and the sad stale thrash of early aughts Overkill. It’s fairly riffy and played reasonably well, and there are some good ideas, but rotten vocals and a pervasive shit-kicking stupidity easily crush whatever good things the band otherwise brings to the table. I think the vocals (and lyrics) are really the worst part, for me. I’ve heard vocals like this a hundred times before, the singing of a man who has absolutely no business singing, but maybe had enough money for a PA. They’re semi-melodic (in the sense that they strain for melody) but also totally invested in sounding tough, and the result is less Phil Anselmo than, well, terrible. There’s no one to compare this kind of singing to, because although it is incredibly common in the underground, no metal band has achieved even a tiny modicum of success with singing like this. Really, the only performance that I think I can recall that compares is Kelly Shaefer’s work in Neurotica, and on the off chance you’ve heard that, I can say safely that Of the Gods’ Landon is even worse, as hard as that is to imagine. It’s a shame, too, because with a good frontman, maybe Of the Gods could muster the enthusiasm and energy to push themselves beyond this half-assed powergroove into something at least sort of interesting. And so it ends.
— Friar Johnsen

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KILLING CHAPEL, High on Homicide (2007, self-released)

The skull:
It’s hard to see in this small image, but this skull is ornately labelled for the benefit of 19th century anatomy students, which suggests that some knife wielding maniac was so high on homicide that he didn’t realize he was stabbing a long dead teaching skull and wasn’t adding to his bodycount. He must have murdered a whole lot of people before he got to this skull, though, to be that wasted. Also, homicide must make you freakishly strong (like pcp!), because imagine how hard it is to drive a knife straight through a skull like that!

The music:
This is blue collar death/thrash made by guys who probably don’t realize those are two different things. They’re from Mifflinville, PA, though, so I gotta shout out to my bruthas from anotha county. Anyway, Killing Chapel are garden variety angry music played with a ton of energy and almost no precision. The drumming is spectacularly sloppy in that push-em-down-the-stairs kind of way, which is always at least a little amusing. The four originals fail to impress, and then they wheel out a couple of not-so-awesome covers (“Dead Skin Mask” by Slayer and “Shredded Humans” by Cannibal Corpse), and a re-recording of the Killing Chapel classic “Lord of the New Faith,” from the band’s 2005 demo. Some songs are just too good to stay buried on an obscure demo, but not so good as to find any wider release than an obscure self-released EP (aka: a demo.) Put that in your murderpipe and smoke it!
— Friar Johnsen

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SICKBAG, Shades Among Shades (2010, Destructure)

The skull:
Although there are too many textures going on here, this is a pretty nice cover. Classy, even. Which seems inappropriate for a band called Sickbag. The skull is artfully rendered, looking a little like an engraving at first glance, but made up of much curvier lines on close inspection. The third eye is a nice touch, too. And while it’s a little hard to say for sure, I guess that fluff near the bottom could be skullvomit. There’s no sickbag to be seen, but I guess you gotta start with the puke, right?

The music:
Sickbag sound like maybe they started out playing modern Napalm Death style grind before calming down a little and settling into abrasive midpaced death metal. Dissonant chording and some angular plodding also call to mind Gojira at their least accessible (so, around From Mars to Sirius). There’s a thick grime of fuzz over everything here, from the guitars to the vocals, that I find very unpleasant, and even minus this effect the vocals would be generic and offputting, but the songwriting, for this style, is reasonably solid. The occasional ambitious reach (for instance, the increasingly messy drum intro to “…for the weak”) generally falls flat, but I do like the creativity at least hinted by those attempts. Sickbag need to tighten everything up a bit, and change their name, but they at least have some potential.
— Friar Johnsen

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DYNABYTE, 2KX (2010, self-released)

The skull:
This might have been a cool cover if someone had actually set out a skull and then projected their stupid blue gears-and-pipes collage onto it. Instead, probably a skull photo was poached from the internet and the industrial cliches were just Photoshopped in. I do like the attention paid to the teeth, though. They look nice.

The music:
Obviously, Dynabyte are industrial metal. The cover gives that away immediately. They’re like a slightly heavier KMFDM, with a little Pslam 69-era Ministry thrown in. Nothing too special, I’d say, although at their best (“Normal”, for instance) they almost approach early Pitch Shifter in quality. The female vocals, courtesy of Cadaveria, remind me a bit of early Genitorturers, although the cleaner singing is more nasal and less appealing. The growling is okay, though. Industrial metal, overall, should be a lot better than it is, but the truth is, for as simple as the ingredients are, almost no one does it properly, or at least to my tastes. It’s a genre of near-misses, of bands that never quite put the pieces together. For every Pitch Shifter, a dozen Drowns. For every Swamp Terrorists, a hundred Dynabytes. And that’s before you even start looking for the bands that out-and-out suck. But if that sort of thing appeals to you, like if you think Circle of Dust are awesome, and you own an Ugly Mustard album, then probably you’ll think Dynabyte are okay.
— Friar Johnsen