Monthly Archives: October 2013

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THE NEW BLACK, II – Better In Black (2011, AFM)

The skull:
So, what, this flaming skull was stenciled onto a shed or something? Painted on some random hunk of wood, or maybe, yeah maybe the sign above the swinging doors of a dangerous biker bar? The New Black Saloon, enter if you dare! Art like this, trying as it does to evoke the grit and recklessness of some half-remembered or imagined motorcycle culture, is a sure sign that the band it’s advertising is not particularly rowdy. I basically believe that there’s really no such thing as a dangerous musician, and if there is, he probably isn’t signed and definitely isn’t making albums that look like this. Practicing your instrument, writing songs, posing for promotional photos: these are not activities willingly undertaken by the genuine badass. At most you’ll get the likes of Zakk Wylde, spoiled alcoholics with beer muscles and unkempt beards. An album cover like this is supposed to say, “I don’t give a fuck!” Instead, it loudly broadcasts, “I give quite a few fucks, actually, and I’m deeply invested in your believing that I am really tough. Please feel threatened by me, and maybe just a little aroused.”

The music:
I guess you could call this radio metal, or something? I don’t really have the vocabulary to describe these new pop metal styles, stuff made for the mass market in the post-nu-metal era. There are tons of bands like this out there – you hear them on the radio in the rental car when you forgot to bring a CD, or maybe at sports bars or something. I guess Alter Bridge and Stone Sour are the pacesetters in the genre, a sort of ubiquitous, low-grade quasi-metal that sounds edgy if don’t pay attention, but won’t offend if you do. These guys would probably recoil at the notion that they’re basically the same as Papa Roach, but really there’s no great distinction. As metal, this shit barely passes: there are almost no real riffs, the songwriting is barely a step up from pop punk, and everything is polished to a plastic shine. With a band like The New Black, you might actually imagine their favorite Metallica album is Load. When I hear this sort of music, I immediately assume the entire enterprise is a cynical grab for rock stardom, but when you notice all the little ways they stray from the top 40 path, like a guitar harmony here or a solo there, you have to consider the possibility that these guys just have atrociously bad taste and honestly just want to make exactly the sort of bland dad metal they’re making. And that’s how a band like this ends up on AFM, I guess. If they were just in if for the money, they wouldn’t even bother slogging it out for three albums with an indie; they’d either land that Roadrunner deal or they’d give up, each dude reappearing a year later in some new band that wants to be the next big thing. I don’t know what’s more depressing: making music like this in a mercenary effort to underestimate the taste of the public, or making it because this is where your sad-sack muse led you.
— Friar Johnsen

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MINOTAUR, Death Metal (1990, Remedy)

The skull:
Do these guys not know what bull horns look like? I know they’re thrashers and not farmers, but still. Or, did they think, “Who says we can’t have some other horned skull on our cover? We’re not married to Minotaurs just because we’re called Minotaur. Sodom doesn’t always have, like, dicks and butts and pillars of salt on their covers or whatever.” As horny skull dudes go, this guy is pretty cool, if totally generic. But as we’ll soon see, that’s completely appropriate for this band!

The music:
Despite the title, this is not death metal, but thrash. To be fair, there was a lot of confusion on that point in the late 80s/early 90s, although I don’t think anyone could have called this music “death metal” with a straight face even back then. This is an exact cross of Pleasure to Kill and Expurse of Sodomy. Minotaur adds precisely nothing to the Teutonic thrash formula, and singer Andi even splits the difference between Mille and Angelripper. So, if you like early Kreator and Sodom, you’ll probably like Minotaur. If you don’t, you won’t. Weirdly, for a cult band with a ton of demos and EPs and split 7″s, Minotaur have so far resisted compilation, so unless you want to trawl ebay for old vinyl and cassettes, you’ll have to content yourself with one of their two full-lengths, from 1988 and 2009. Probably that first one is alright, but I’d be pretty skeptical of the second.
— Friar Johnsen

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ABIGHOR, The Bloody Cross (1989, demo)

The skull:
The best thing about covers like this is knowing that someone had to actually use scissors and glue to make it. Start with a picture of a volcanic eruption, perhaps from a National Geographic back issue, slap on a skull from an olde-tyme anatomy book, and finally paste on a gilt and bejeweled censer, to make some kind of point about the church, or something? It’s a metaphorically bloody cross, you see. The technology to make the cross appear literally bloody just didn’t exist in Abighor’s local library in 1989.

The music:
I am only slightly ashamed to admit that I own not one, but two versions of Abighor’s sole full-length release, 1994’s Anticlockwise. That album is a lesser entry in the mid-90s Italian prog/power explosion, reminding me of early Time Machine, only not as good. And, so armed with what amounts to an unreasonable degree of familiarity with this band, I thought I had a good idea of what I’d be getting with The Bloody Cross. What I got, though, was speed metal with only the vaguest intimations of progressive inclinations: more Exciter than Fates Warning, although they do occasionally stretch out a little even on this early effort. Amateur playing and production make this a challenging listen at times, but the energy and aggression are welcome, and while the midtempo Queensryche worship of Anticlockwise is perfectly fine for what it is, maybe if Abighor had stuck to their guns and expanded on the speedy, almost thrashy sound they have here, they might have ended up at something a bit more interesting in the end. If nothing else, the highly accented vocals of Giancarlo Mattei work better in this less controlled setting than they do in the more polished prog metal of the band’s later work. His John Cyriis scream fits better when the band is nearly going off the rails, but set against the too-serious keyboard metal of Anticlockwise he comes off as just another Italian warbler with more range than sense. The Bloody Cross is far from classic, but as context for the band’s history and the larger Italian metal scene, it’s a neat artifact.
— Friar Johnsen

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RIGOR MORTIS, Decomposed (1987, demo)

The skull:
Okay, it’s back to basics here: a supershitty evil skull drawn with a marker. What makes this cover is the landscape. I’m guessing this is some kind of fantasy scene, some Hyborean wasteland with perhaps a wizard’s castle in the distance. The skull of a lone warrior (who is well past the rigor mortis stage, but certainly decomposed) is staked out with his battle axe and some other kind of weapon thing. A spear maybe? Who knows? It’s a badass skull to keep you off the wizard’s lawn. Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna turn away? Damned straight you are! This guy looks like he was really mean, and he had an axe and some barbed pokey thing, and look what happened to him? You are totally out of here!

The music:
This is not another release by yesterday’s Rigor Mortis, but a whole ‘nother Rigor Mortis entirely. This band would eventually become Immolation, a band I have always hated and will always hate, although at this point, only the bald guitarist who does the funny headbanging is left from Rigor Mortis. But whatever. Immolation is death metal for assholes. And as crappy as I find them now, they were WAY crappier back in 1987. This is high school death metal at its worst. It makes the case for the theory that death metal was just thrash played by guys who weren’t good enough for the job. Even by the standards of mid 80s death metal demos, this is weak stuff, every bit as bad as the cover would suggest. Astoundingly, they band thought this was good enough to reissue on CD, so if you’re a real glutton for punishment, you can pick up a copy of Immolation’s eloquently titled Stepping on Angels… Before Dawn to enjoy Decomposed in all its remastered glory. You asshole.
— Friar Johnsen

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RIGOR MORTIS, Rigor Mortis (1988, Capitol)

The skull:
The smashed out eyes make this a particularly distinctive skull, and that feature is also, amazingly, unique in the Skullection. Here at Skull HQ, we’ve seen skulls that have suffered all kinds of abuse, but this is the first and only example of occular disembonement. But while that negative space is what draws the eye (so to speak), it’s the maniacal grin that really seals the deal. This skull (who doesn’t seem to have a name, although I spent a fair amount of time looking) just doesn’t give a fuck that he’s got no distinct eye sockets, and he’s even proud to hover there with the mace that did it. The axe and bone are bonus accoutrements that nevertheless can’t compete with this skull’s luxurious mane. “I’m so fucking bad, they put me in the logo, too. Twice.” While a nice, real skull, staged and photographed, might have made a better 300th skull, those are shockingly hard to come by, and as illustrated BDSes go, this Rigor Mortis cover is about as awesome as they come.

The music:
A shocking number of thrash bands managed to land major label deals between 87 and 90, but few were as mediocre as Rigor Mortis. Meliah Rage comes close, maybe, and even they had a couple truly excellent songs. Rigor Mortis were weirdly lightweight, lacking the depth and punch of a Testament, while being sillier even than Exodus at their goofiest. Their riffing and songwriting, as with most Texas thrash bands, were thoroughly pedestrian for the times, and the anemic production didn’t do them any favors. Finally, they were saddled with a vocalist who lacked any unique character and whose lyrics were stupid (and not funny, which is the one possible salvation of stupid lyrics). They were far from the worst thrash band on the scene in 1987, but there were probably scores of bands more deserving of the opportunity afforded Rigor Mortis (who of course completely squandered it and were dropped in a couple years). Nevertheless, they’re a band that’s developed something of a cult reputation, perhaps due to the rarity of the album on compact disc. Their subsequent EP and full length can be had fairly readily, but the debut on Capitol commands a rather stupid price. You could spend $100 for this middling effort, or you could save yourself at least twenty bucks and pick up the infinitely superior Wargasm debut, which is similar to Rigor Mortis in many ways but always much, much better.
— Friar Johnsen

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SKELETONWITCH, Skullsplitter (2011, Prosthetic)

The skull:
This one’s a beaut, no denying it. Skeletonwitch have lately released a number of singles featuring big dumb skulls, and we’ve chosen this one as the skulliest. It’s just a lovely, moody painting of a floating skull, split as advertised. The skulls edges seem weirdly sharp, though, which almost make it look like the whole thing was made of papier-mâché. And if that’s the case, and considering the gaping hole, I think we have to assume that this skull was actually a grisly piñata. Normally, when you bust one open you try to break the bottom, to get at the candy. But it wouldn’t have mattered here, because this skullata was filled with green vapor, black blood, and probably spiders, and they made it out all the same.

The music:
For some reason, I don’t really consider Skeletonwitch to be a part of the rethrash scene, although musically there’s probably a case to be made that I should. Like Toxic Holocaust and Municipal Waste, Skeletonwitch injects a lot of crusty, punky noise into their music, but the primary influence is Slayer, and while they probably appeal more or less to the same backpatch enthusiasts, they seem less like a blatant act of pastiche than, I dunno, Warbringer. Still, there’s not a lot of creativity on display here, and the vocals are shit, so unless you hoover up every new band that vaguely reminds you of Cryptic Slaughter, you can do without this, and pretty much everything else by Skeletonwitch. Unless you just love sweet covers, in which case you should probably buy their entire discography!

— Friar Johnsen

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BRAINDEAD, The Human Remnants Of… (1988, demo)

The skull:
This cover is like a victim’s-eye-view in the aftermath of nuclear holocaust. A mirage/hallucination of grinning death, the skull not actually there but seeming as real as the horrible remnants of the war. It’s formed of ash, dirt, and the skeletal remains of buildings that were blasted to bits. Even if it’s a mirage, the skull looks a little worried, questioning himself: “Am I cut out for this? Am I worthy of taking on the role of mirrored alter-image to the dying human that gazes at me to see only a grinning death’s head? Where can a guy get a cup of coffee around here? What the hell just happened? Why, why, why???”

The music:
This band from Portugal released two demos of cruel, ugly thrash in 1988, and then in the ’90s went the alternative/grunge route. There wasn’t even any kind of smooth transition. One decade they’re sounding like Protector, the next like a mixture of Beastie Boys, Faith No More and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Ouch. Listening to the short but sweet The Human Remnants Of…, it’s surprising that nobody has combined this with the other demo from that year, The Final Judgement, for a reissue, because there are probably plenty of people out there who would appreciate this stuff. Think Iron Angel meets Destruction meets Protector…yeah, who lotta German-esque stuff happening here. The recording is terrible, the guitars sounding like cement mixers and the drums being a haphazard sonic mess, but the writing and performances are solid enough that the overall cacophony is enjoyable, the effort a laudable one. There’s just enough imagination in terms of riffs, tempi, and arrangement, it manages to stand just a few heads (skulls?) above many similar acts. Within both tracks proper (“Wings of Insanity” is a shorter intro piece) there are generous slabs of early death metal, reminding of Morbid Angel’s earliest material, the off-the-rails nuttiness of Incubus, and Necrovore’s merciless churning. Much worse has been recorded and, much later, reissued, and I’d probably pick up a repackaging of this stuff, especially if they could master from the source tapes. Good luck, right?
— Friar Wagner

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SOULFLY, Savages (2013, Nuclear Blast)

The skull:
I’ll tell you what’s savage: this guy’s dental regimen, am I right? He should have spent a little less time with a tattoo needle, and a little more time with a brush and some floss. But I guess when you’re decked out as fabulously as this guy is, with a black feather fright wig and a massive collar necklace (is this skull a drag queen?) then maybe you can get by with half a mouth of choppers. Probably they all get covered up with a jewel encrusted grill before he goes out anywhere.

The music:
It’s kind of weird to think that Max Cavalera made good music for only about six years, and that’s generously including his formative years in Sepultura. Since Roots he’s basically made nothing but shit (although that first Cavalera Conspiracy album was okay), and while I haven’t been following Soulfly closely over the years, I’ve seen them a couple times and heard enough of their music to give them a wide berth. So when I first saw this cover, I thought, “Of fucking COURSE Soulfly would do a BDS!” and I licked my chops at the prospect of tearing Max a new one. But then something funny happened. I listened to the album, and I… I didn’t hate it. It feels dirty to even admit that. I listened to a Soulfly album and it wasn’t complete shit. I mean, it’s not awesome. It’s not the second coming of Arise. It’s probably not even as good, overall, as Chaos A.D., which I consider to be a fairly rotten album. But, it has a certain swagger, and while, for sure, it’s still got its fair share of idiotic breakdowns and thumpy nu metal grooves, it’s also got a lot of genuinely cool riffs. Max, for a change, sounds like his old self, not some bloated, dreaded, knapsacked caricature, and the production is heavy. The first two songs, especially the second, “Cannibal Holocaust” are rock solid, and while the third starts to reintroduce the breakdowns and 90s-style harmonic riffs, it’s not until the fourth track (featuring the dude from Clutch) that this becomes obviously Soulfly and not some mythical not-awful Max band. Track five, “Master of Savagery” pulls out of the nosedive a bit before the next number goes all in on the numetal Soulfly stupidity I was expecting all along. That song, “Spiral,” is every bit as bad as I know, deep-down, Soulfly to be. But then the album rebounds a bit with “This Is Violence,” which would rank pretty high in the Machine Head ouvre, before taking another bad turn with a tune that brings in Mitch Harris from Napalm Death, and another featuring the bassist from Static X (worst guest spot ever?) The last tune, the atrociously titled “Soulfliktion” dares to echo the memorable “who”s of “Beneath the Remains”, but isn’t a completely rotten tune on its own terms. To say this is the best Soulfly album is certainly no great compliment, and the middle is an unpleasant slog, but I would never have imagined when I first hit play that I’d have made it to the end at all. I won’t be buying this, so it’s not like Max has won me back, but for the first time in a long time, I guess I’m willing to consider the possibility that the old dog might still hunt.
— Friar Johnsen

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HORRIFIER, Grim Fate  (2010, Witches Brew)

The skull:
I’ll let Youtuber 13MATTallica96 do the guest review of this album cover for us: “The album cover the great contract of fear and pain; the blinding hate and fire of war and the cold eery darkness of its aftermath…” That’s perhaps reading a bit much into it, but what he’s essentially saying is this: it conveys the yin yang of any fate that can be considered “grim,” that whatever awaits, you cannot escape. What I see here isn’t war, though, but a forest fire that this humongous skull got caught in, probably while hiking. To the skull’s left the scene abruptly turns to an ocean, but it looks like the skull is right near the shore, so if someone would just yell “Move to your left!! No, YOUR left!!” he might be able to swim or float to safety. Therein lies a maddening quandary, because even if he escapes the fire, skulls can’t swim. The holes formed by the curved zygomatic/temporal bones are likely the most pronounced we’ve ever seen on a skull cover, so kudos to the artist for that. Also, credit to the artist for what is a very well-executed painting. No joke, it’s better than most we see around these parts.

The music:
I think of early Metallica and Razor songs played by Acrophet when listening to Grim Fate. Of course, in 2010 that means it’s hopelessly derivative, but I suppose if this had come out in 1985, I would have bought it, listened to it a few times, kept it around and then in 1990 realized it was was never going to be listened to in favor of other, better thrash albums, and tossed it. How did I know “Exordium/From Beyond the Grave” was going to be their “(Welcome Home) Sanitarium” rip before even hearing it? Probably the slash, which makes it look all progressive and stuff. “Exordium” is actually just an intro that sounds like a rejected idea for Side 1, Song 4-era Metallica (1984, 1986, 1988), and “From Beyond the Grave” is more well-played but entirely unnecessary thrash. Sometimes Horrifier sounds like early Def Leppard, or early Jag Panzer, as on “True Metal Never Rusts!,” which shows the band into trad-metal as much as thrash. Somehow, though, the song reminds me of Krank or another such useless band from 1986. Yeah, here’s another band riding the nostalgia train without offering anything that’s actually of their own.
— Friar Wagner

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MILITARIS-TIC, Curse of Weapons  (2013, Bestial Burst)

The skull:
Most young male Finnish youth are required to perform compulsory military service, even though Finland is rarely embroiled in military scuffles. But they’re ready when and if necessary. However, since hand-to-hand combat is less crucial in this age of chemical warfare and unmanned aerial vehicles, the Finnish military forgot to buy helmets for their boys. Oops. As luck would have it, Finland had a surplus of American football helmets a few years ago. See, high schools across the country attempted to interest kids in American football a few years ago, but the program flopped, was eventually discontinued, and now there’s a surplus of gear kicking around every high school storage room in Finland. The military saw an opportunity to provide their young men with the helmets they need for combat, and thus:  the football helmet you see on the cover of Militaris-tic’s debut album. Apparently Curse of Weapons is a concept album about the lone casualty of war incurred in Finland this year, a dude who happened to be a buddy of the Militaris-tic guys. Blown to smithereens, only his head and helmet survived the ordeal. To commemorate him, the dudes in the band drew their logo on the football helmet, fashioned some syringes into mini-missile looking things, and laid their friend to rest on a camouflage blanket before burying it all. War is hell, and the football helmet didn’t help a goddamn bit.

The music:
This Finnish duo don’t take themselves too seriously, judging from the band photo (Raven meets Carnivore minus the fur) and that silly football-helmeted skull, but man, do they make a serious noise very much aligned with Discharge, Venom and Amebix. Actually, take those three bands, wrap them in a ball, put it in your mouth, get it all phlegm-covered and spit that chunk of noise in the face of someone you hate. It’s that gross and unsubtle. I hear a trace of early German thrash too, especially Destruction circa Sentence of Death, but the aesthetic is firmly England crust/punk/metal circa 1982. These 10 songs blast by quickly and although I’m not entirely convinced I have to own this (I’ve already got the Venom and Amebix records I need) it was an enjoyable listen. These guys have done time in numerous other Finnish bands you may have heard of, like Neutron Hammer, Ride For Revenge, Vitsaus, Incriminated and others, so their hearts are truly in this for life. Till death. I hope their next album features a skull in a hockey helmet, or even a baseball batting helmet.
—  Friar Wagner