Monthly Archives: January 2013

SKULL11

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DECEIVER, Riding With the Reaper (2005, Iron Fist Productions)

The skull:
Barely makes it into the Skullection due to its puny size, although its place upon a chopping block (at least, we want to assume it’s a chopping block) and the flames licking in the background entice and seduce us. There seem to be pins in the right cheekbone of the skull…someone met their fate at the hands of a mad acupuncturist? Nah, probably too holistic of a thing for a band like Deceiver to consider.

The music:
Deceiver plays what music scribe Simon Reynolds describes as “music about music.” That is, music that’s totally referential and utterly derivative in nature. Some metalheads like that. I tend to shy away from it. Regardless of personal prejudices, if you’re an Iron Maiden fan who cannot get enough of the ’80s German thrash metal wave, worship the Possessed/Slayer template, and like ’90s bands such as Defleshed and Aura Noir, and also go for fourth generation death/thrash, and understand that Nifelheim remains authentic above all others, then by all means indulge! Still, they’re no Nifelheim, despite them desperately trying to be. Being Swedish alone won’t get you there. But they’re broken up already, so who cares?

SKULL10

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ZNÖWHITE, Kick’Em When They’re Down (1985, Enigma)

The skull:
Incredibly big and almost impossibly dumb, this skull appears to have been hand crafted by an airbrush artisan at the boardwalk or something. It would have looked incredibly boss sprayed on the back of a denim jacket. The sinister sockets and rictus grin give the skull the air of midgrade malevolence you’d expect from a guy who’s waiting for the rank stink of his unleashed flatulence to reach you.

The music:
Pencil thin production and reedy female vocals somewhat mar this otherwise above-average thrash metal EP. The full length that follows it, Act of God, is an underrated classic though, one of the best Metallica-inspired thrash albums of the 80s, and singer Nicole Lee fully redeems herself there. Guitarist Greg Fulton (known then as Ian Tafoya) was always the star of the show, however, with one of the tightest right hands in the business, and his rhythm work on Kick’Em When They’re Down is pretty damned impressive for 1985. Znöwhite eventually morphed into Cyclone Temple, and their debut is another minor masterpiece, but after that album, Fulton lost his magic and his discs got more and more boring.
– Friar Johnsen

SKULL9

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SAVATAGE, The Dungeons Are Calling (1984, Combat)

The skull:
The skull’s maw opens in a squeal of madness, apparently the remains of someone tied in chains in a dungeon (see chains on the right), although I never got the gigantic eye dropper…but maybe now I do…it may have been the torture device that sealed this unfortunate dude’s fate. But now he’s #9 in the Big Dumb Skullection. Prestige! God this cover rules. So does…

The music:
Aside from the first side of Ride the Lightning or the first side of Metal Church, is there anything more headbangable than the first side of this EP? The title track and “By the Grace of the Witch” are as lethal a one-two punch as any great metal album openers you could name. Unbelievably awesome riffs, the melodic banshee screech of Jon Oliva, the blunt impact of the production…metal perfection. The rest is good too, but maybe not quite as memorable as the first two songs, excepting “City Beneath the Surface,” another Sava-classic. I’d rather listen to this on any given Christmas over Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but I do like when I’m at the post office and see promo tie-ins with T-SO…which is nothing less than victory for The Dungeons Are Calling. Who thought anything related to this classic EP would be tied into the United States Postal Service one day? What a wonderful world.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL8

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OZ, Turn the Cross Upside Down (1984, Typhon Wave)

The skull:
Same photo session as Skull7, just a different angle. So, the skulliness is still mighty high, despite the lack of blood and fire from the Fire in the Brain cover. It is, ironically, an unoriginal, unimaginative choice for a Big Dumb Skull cover. Also, nothing about a cross or the inversion thereof is reflected in the artwork. Still, a skull in Quorthon’s hand is worth more than a whole pile of skulls any day.

The music:
“Turn the Cross Upside Down” is a classic song…amazing that it didn’t land on Fire in the Brain. This version comes from the Scandinavian Metal Attack compilation, and the other two songs on this EP are the Fire in the Brain versions of “Gambler” and “Search Lights.” Top-notch dark heavy metal from the early days.
–Friar Wagner

SKULL7

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OZ, Fire in the Brain (1984, Combat)

The skull:
Top-notch skulliness here: the skull is on fire, held in an outstretched hand whose arm is wrapped in a big studded armband, while blood drips from the fingers. And this is a photograph to boot! The skull is on the cheapo side, looks like like a wax Halloween decoration or candle, but it’s passable. And the best thing: the hand/arm belongs to none other than Bathory mastermind Quorthon. It does NOT get more metal than that.

The music:
Of all the albums Oz have recorded (there are sixth full-lengths to date, and they’re threatening more), this is definitely the best and only mandatory one. It’s traditional heavy metal, not black or death or thrash, but still very much on the sinister side, both in lyrical focus, the nature of the riffs, and the dirty, murky recording. Vocalist Ape DeMartini chortles in an Udo Dirkschneider sort of way, while bassist Jay C. Blade proved himself a songwriter of uncommon skill. His strongest songs are stacked on the first side of the album, a near-perfect set of dark metal burners, while the second side’s “Gambler” and “Fire in the Brain” measure up nicely with the first four classics. The other two are great too. Too bad the quality didn’t carry much steam past this album, as follow-up III Warning bordered on forgettable.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL6

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SPINAL TAP, Christmas With the Devil (1984, Enigma Records)

The skull:
A long-horned skull opens his gaping mouth, ready to swallow all sinners into the evil fires behind him. While wearing a Santa hat. The green and red color scheme is a nice touch, and the artwork is pretty much a literal depiction of the song title. Long live the Tap!

The music:
Typically silly, of course. The song’s groove is lurching, slow, bluesy, and almost sexual in its rhythmic slo-mentum. Almost nothing to do with traditional Christmas music as we know it, save for the church organ sounds. Borders on proto-doom in the second half. It’s Spinal Tap, so it’s intentionally dumb but also a lot of fun…and gotta love this lyric: “The elves are dressed in leather and the angels are in chains / Sugar plums are rancid and the stockings are in flames.” B-side “scratch mix” version is a redundant waste of time, really. This song is legitimately better than a hundred or so more serious-minded German hard rock/heavy metal bands from the same era.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL5

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WITCHFINDER GENERAL, Live ’83 (2006, Nuclear War Now! Productions)

The skull:
Simple white skull and white lettering on black background. As unadorned as it gets, except for the tiny nuances: fangs and flames burning in the eye sockets. Total horizontal egg as skullcap. Appropriately old-school looking for this ancient doom metal recording.

The music:
The first pressing of this live album was altered to make the songs sound slower than was actually the case. Or maybe it was a mistake. Regardless, listening to the truest version of this recording, it’s a raw but entirely listenable document of Witchfinder General at their peak. Most songs are represented from the band’s first two and only worthwhile albums, and it’s testament that they, along with Saint Vitus, Nemesis and Trouble, were among the most important doom bands to emerge from the early ’80s underground. Great band who apparently brought the goods live. Hilarious stage banter from vocalist Zeeb Parkes in the beginning of the 10-minute “Quietus”: “For anybody that likes real heavy rock, this is gonna be the number!” Uh, hey, thanks for letting us know. He should have also let us know about the too-long and too-boring unaccompanied guitar solo at the end.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL4

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SWORD, Sweet Dreams (1988, GWR)

The skull:
A rubber snake on a plastic skull.  Well, maybe the snake is alive, but that skull never was.  The massive logo steals some of the skull’s thunder, but certainly not much: this is as classic as it gets.  Plunk down a skull, set up some spooky green lights, take the picture.  Done.

The music:
Like the cover, this album simply gets shit done.  No frills, mid-paced heavy metal with deep songs and a killer singer.  Whenever I listen to this album (which is often), I remember the review that turned me onto it, which compared singer Rick Hughes to Dee Snider (but with a much better range) and imagined the music as what NWOBHM might have become had Metallica not intervened.  Many people prefer the band’s debut, Metalized (which also sports a skull cover, but it’s far too stylized, metaphoric even, to be considered for the skullection), and while I can definitely understand the appeal of that album’s speedier US power metal (even if the band is Canadian), there’s a depth and a maturity to Sweet Dreams that puts this album over the top for me.  Sword are even back together, but unlike most of the nostalgia acts working the oldies circuit, Sword is working with the entire original lineup, sounds amazing, and the singer still has it.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL3

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MERCYFUL FATE, Time (1994, Metal Blade)

The skull:
This band can lay claim to one of the greatest skull covers of all time, 1983’s Melissa, although that screaming skull was deemed too fancy/arty/busy by the Council to enter our Skullection. The Time skull, however, is picture-perfect full-on skullacious skullness. We get it: time ravages all but the bones. Great. This is an unimaginative yet somehow striking enough cover. Just a plain old skull, its left side in the shadows, the cap at some point sawed laterally for shits ‘n’ giggles. The epitome of what we’re looking for with the Skullection; it’s big, although certainly not the dumbest.

The music:
Time came out around the time that King Diamond’s vocals started to cross the fine line from chillingly awesome to self-caricature. It’s also when he stopped using reverb on his voice — big mistake. His vocals are on the dry side, as is the overall production. There are some great riffs here, and of course those Shermann/Denner solos are nothing less than excellent; they work even on the worst songs (“Witches’ Dance,” “The Mad Arab”). I’m a huge fan of this band but don’t listen to Time a lot. When I do, moments to look forward to include “Angel of Light” and one of few Fate classics outside of the ’80s, “Lady in Black.”
— Friar Wagner

SKULL2

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PARALEX, White Lightning (1980, Reddingtons Rare Records)

The skull:
This is the first of several Worried Skulls in the Skullection. Looks like he’s fretting about something, perhaps because he forgot an umbrella, which he’ll need for that oncoming storm behind him. Super-crude artwork lacking all imagination, although there’s a nice bit brightness in the skull’s eyes, making his worried self look just that little bit more paranoid.

The music:
If I found this 12″ EP cheap, I’d buy the shit out of it and immediately re-sell it for big money.This is the kind of junk that New Wave of British Heavy Metal collectors uphold and praise, but probably because of its rarity rather than its musical quality. These three songs are what the British might call “naff”: trashy music, stumbling vocals, generic song writing. Maybe would have sounded dark and heavy in 1980, but it can’t compete with the stuff that was already around in 1980 and already 100 times better (Angel Witch, Iron Maiden). As obscure NWOBHM bands go, there are way better. The perfect pairing: a big dumb skull, big dumb music.
— Friar Wagner